Essentially Good
by heliosmoon
Summary: For two lame gay monarchs stuck in a forest, things aren't too bad.


Thoughts are a funny thing. It's a voice in your head, the embodiment of you yourself, and yet you can't control them. At this moment, you are as far away from control as possible.

Near the end of the battle at Mount Weather, the Grounders were being slaughtered. Lexa had given the order to retreat, but she herself had stayed and had fought beside you, acting as a shield for your overworked body. Your breath ragged, your body fighting to take over, for something to take over, but you resisted. Lexa had been hit in the head, an accident that wouldn't have happened if not for sheer exhaustion of being in combat for so long, and you'd come to the rescue. You shot the soldier she'd been fighting in the head and tugged her into the forest. Your left hand clenched around the radio, and, for a moment, your eyes had widened, recognition flooding over you at what you were about to do, though you gave it no second thought. You activated the radio and gave the order to irradiate the entirety of Mount Weather.

The very hand that caused all of the deaths inside the mountain now wields Lexa's sword, the new one that had been constructed for her after you both had suffered the gorilla attack. Upon the edge of the sword were Grounder words, inscribed into the blade and inlaid with silver, many of which were small praises from the blacksmith and his family, while others were small birds flying to the very tip of the weapon. At the hilt of the sword, is your watch, fastened tightly to the leather of the handle. Before the battle itself had begun, you'd silently given your father's watch to Lexa, and watched in fascination as she silently tightened it around her weapon. She had glanced up then, giving you a look of appraisal before walking out of her tent.

Now you stand over her unconscious body, wrapped in a shroud of anger and ferocity. You brandish her sword at any who dare come near, Grounders or Skaikrew alike, your mind unable to distinguish your allies. Both sides wish to help you and Lexa, but you cannot leave her. You cannot let anyone touch her. She is yours alone. The moss underneath your bare feet is damp from rain and stained with blood, and yet, to your horror, still soft. Bending your legs into a crouch, you slide the blade into your belt and scoop up her body. With shocking strength, you take off into the trees at a terrifying pace, terrifying even to you. You have one single thought in this moment. _Protect Lexa._ That is the only thing that echoes in your mind, however instead of becoming quieter, it grows in volume until you can think nothing else. Your spine crackles, and hands begin to snap. A part of you knows what is going on, but the rest remains uncertain, resisting whatever is attempting to take control.

Voices yell at you, chasing you. You only know of one place where you can take Lexa without being found.

You head for the bunker.

The creak of the hatch is deafening in the relative silence of the forest, and your heart picks up a bit at the sound. Easing yourself and Lexa down the ladder steps turns out to be a bit of a task, but you manage after a few tricky moments. Long ago, or so it seemed, the blood from the Grounder Finn had killed had been cleaned up by you. You straighten up and carry Lexa over to a bed, where you carefully lay her upon it, moving quickly afterwards to light some candles, and then over to the table where you kept bottled water from the river and a small kit of medical supplies. You stuff some bottles and bandages into your pockets, moving over to where Lexa lay. So slowly, you sink to your knees beside her, leaning your head upon her shoulder, breathing in her scent, mingled with blood of her enemies and the earthy smell of the paint that rings her eyes.

Finally, tears well up into your eyes, and you begin to sob. Reaching up to the bunk above Lexa, you grab the blanket from the bed and wrap it around your body, then you begin to tend to Lexa's wounds. All are superficial, even the blow to her head, which is no more than a bruise. The walls of the bunker seem so far away, you feel so empty; everything seems superficial, just like Lexa's injuries. Having cleaned and patched Lexa up to the best of your current abilities, you begin to softly dab her war paint away, revealing soft smooth skin underneath. When that is done, you lie down on the ground beside her bed, and fall into a deep, all consuming sleep.

Often times in Lexa's dreams, she would experience running through the forest, unburdened by any thoughts of expectations from her people, simply free. In other dreams, it would be her, simply pining after you and your affections. Now, as she woke up, Lexa couldn't help but wonder if she wasn't indeed still in a dream. The bunker, still softly bathed in candle light, shown upon you, curled up in a small pile of blankets. The tall brunette gazes at you for a long while, before extending her arms and pulling you up into the bed with her. This awakes you, and you start, pulling back from her for but a moment.

"Clarke, Clarke everything is okay." Her voice soothes you, and you curl closer to her, wrapping your arms around her waist securely, as if to prevent her from leaving. Hesitantly, unsure if you voice will obey, you ask shakily, "Are you alright?" You receive a soft nod, and she rests her head on top of yours. "I'm fine." That leaves you two in a silence, neither moving, as if afraid to startle or disturb the other. Instead, you take one of her hands and pull it to your chest, placing it firmly over your heart. She looks at you with all the tenderness in the world, completely unlike the Commander's façade she puts on when leading her people. Here, in this moment, is the essence of Lexa. Your eyes close, finally allowing yourself to relax, as you are safe in her arms. So quietly, you hear her murmur. "You're mine, Clarke. You belong to no one else. You understand that, correct?" This time, you nod. "I understand." Something has changed, and you know that she is right.

Something has taken place since you offered her your watch in the tent, and you're not certain what it is, or even if you're ready to address it. As you think on the battle, you begin to recall. You can't explain why you felt so drawn to give her your most prized possession, but it seemed instinctual, so you did it. Now, you have a certainty that she is the one you want. Maybe it was watching her fight, always coming to your rescue or deflecting a blow to you that would have surely been fatal, and still giving instructions to her people while protecting you. Her motions had been quick and sure, leaving no attacker not dealt with. At some point during the fight, and this part is hazy to you, she'd turned towards you and started, seeing a large, open gash down your back that even you weren't aware of due to the adrenaline. She'd bitten you then. You were scared it had been a Reaper, and when you'd turned around and seen it was her, her chin dripping with your blood, you became confused and a bit frightened. Now, you remember. And the injury on your back is gone.

"What is it?" she asks you, tucking some blonde hair behind your ear that had fallen into your eyes. You shake your head in disagreeance and don't answer, turning your attention towards her head wound. Brushing her hair out of the way, you look at the bruise that's risen on her scalp, and smile, leaning over to kiss it. Lexa hums, pleased with the act and curl her arms closer around your body, hugging you to her, but still unsatisfied with your answer. She persists. "You should talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

You snicker. "I'm not one of your soldiers, Commander. I do not take orders from you, nor do I-" she cuts you off, unamused. "Clarke, do not argue with me. What is the matter?" At this, you grow quiet. Her voice makes clear she doesn't appreciate your sarcasm in this, and that she wants to genuinely know. A sigh escapes your lips as you contemplate how to word this. Every scenario you run through your head ends awkwardly, neither good nor bad. Deciding to confront it head on, you speak quietly and unsure. "Lexa, why did you bite me.. during the battle?"

She visibly pales at this question, her body stiffening up. She hisses. "What happened will not hinder you in any way, that I promise you. It is, say, a bonus we who have remained upon the ground since the radiation have reaped, one of the very few. It's why we are such good hunters." There she leaves it, not speaking anymore and letting you process what she has just revealed. On the Ark you'd heard stories and rumors about lycanthropes, however history had always indicated that they were nothing more than that: myths. You look at her a bit agape. "So you bit me, and I can transform?" Well, that is certainly the most forward you could have been, huh Clarke? Lexa snorts and reluctantly nods her head, waiting for reprimand from you. Yet nothing really seems wrong.

"Um.. wasn't it supposed to hurt..?" Again, she makes a sound of amusement, and shrugs. "I'm not positive. It varies from person to person. With those in the villages who were born barren of the gift, they can be bestowed it if they so choose. For some, it is excruciating, while for others it is no more than a bite to the arm or shoulder. Either way, none of my people have died from the change yet. I knew you to be strong, and I had faith you'd take it well." You pause. "When I carried you from the battle to here, I felt something? Like a crackling throughout my body. Is that what it was?" "It starts that way, yes. Seeing as how you aren't pacing around on four limbs, I'm assuming you resisted. The change itself is extremely painful, however lasts but a moment. My change personally takes but two seconds. The longest I know of is seven seconds." Your green eyes blink. "Woah. That's.. um.. fast I guess right."

"Do you want to try Clarke?" She sounds vulnerable, nervous that she will be rejected. Again, you blink, a bit surprised by this offer. You guess that it makes sense for you to know how to, if you can. Might as well utilize as many tools as you can, and if being a fast furry dog is useful, then by all means. Lexa coughs indignantly and glowers at you mockingly. Your cheeks turn bright red. "I said that out loud didn't I.." Snickering, Lexa buries her face in your neck and lilts, "Clarke, there is much more to this gift than being a fast furry dog. But that bit is certainly an asset. Now, let's go!"

Lexa swings herself out of the bed by using the top bunks supportive rods, landing cleanly on the floor and stretching, a series of pops coming from her body after having lain down so long. The tall brunette flashes you a grin, stripping off her clothes before taking off towards the ladder to outside. Surprised once more, but to be outdone, you follow suit with your clothes, and chase after her, smiling yourself. Clambering up and out, you find yourself in the forest, the ground and trees covered in dew drops from the night. Lexa looks at you with a rakish grin of exultation and beckons you. The two of you find a clearing, and standing together, she begins to talk, and you listen intently.

"First thing, breathe deeply until you can feel your lungs completely filled. Then, simply tense your body and just focus on the wild part of you. The side of every person like us that only wishes to run through the woods and smell the scents of the world. The side that wants to speed throughout the land and find it's home. Focus on that portion of you. Find it and claw it open, and you'll have it. Meet me that way Clarke. Find me."

With that, Lexa bent down in a sharp, snapping movement, her body already convulsing, and within the moment, she had changed into a massive wolf. A deep, russet brown, Lexa stood on her hind legs, staring out at you beneath piercingly green eyes. Eyes the colour of the moss and budding leaves, drawing you in. For a moment, you are completely entranced by her, the long forearms with deathly claws at the end of her paw like hands, her shorter muzzle, nearly human. The body of a humanoid, except that body being eight feet tall and covered in fur. Lexa sits down, her hind legs bending like those of a canine, and she opens her mouth to smile at you in a deadly manner, fangs being two inches each. A pink tongue lolls out of her jaw, and she pants at you. You can't help but giggle, and she huffs. Getting up, she lurks over to you and rests her canine head against yours and breathes gently onto your face and nudges you, reminding you.

Gazing at her in complete admiration, you get the strongest premonition she's saying something to you in the silence. _Join me. _

Nodding just the smallest bit, you step back from her and concentrate, focusing on the forest and your desire to be as she is: free. Seconds go by, and nothing happens. Changing tracks, you think of how she held you in the bunker, as if she'd been holding you that way for your whole lives. That brings you to the still vivid memory of running through this very forest, frantic and in a blaze of adrenaline and possessive attitude towards Lexa, and the feeling from before comes back. It's slow, and you push it. You recreate how she gazed at you and fastened your watch on her sword. How she stood by you and protected you during the battle. How her eyes gleamed at you with such conviction of your capability. Suddenly, your spine cracked in a sharp V-shape, and you screech, bones breaking and reforming with such speed that you cannot mentally keep up with the physical changes taking place. Abruptly, it is over, and you stand tall.

Slowly, Lexa stalks over to you and presses her face to yours, her fangs actually clicking against yours due to the proximity. Your hackles rise some, but not in an entirely bad manner. This is a necessary process. This is her silently telling you that she is the alpha, the alpha of every clan and village under her command. However, in this moment, she is not just telling you that. She is conveying that you are her equal. That you are to rule beside her, to hold to her kinds rules, which are now yours by association. The air stands still around the two of you, and you nod silently, and lick her furry cheek in acknowledgment. She returns the gesture, and all is well.

You stretch your forearms now, and notice they are covered in blonde fur, nearly white. You figure if Lexa's eyes, which are green when she's human, yours by comparison must be blue, like your human form. She stands now, to her full extent, and stares at you carefully, and you now copy her wolf-like grin from earlier, baring your teeth at her in a friendly smile. Moving to stand upon your back legs, which easier than you thought it'd be, you find that Lexa is about a foot and a half taller than you. Which figures. While being the relatively same height in human form, her presence has always out shone yours, always being a bit more prominent. It seems natural that her wolf form would convey her human presence.

Moving towards Lexa, you gently bump into her in a playful way, and then take off at a lope on all fours. The moss and grass beneath your feet is exquisite, and only now do you recognize that your senses are far enhanced. You can hear the animals that are hundreds of yards away shuffle within the brush, and smell their little bodies with clarity. At the pace you are running at, you pass them in mere seconds, the wind in your fur giving you a extreme feeling of exultation. A howl rips out from your throat, and you cry it out to the forest and any other wolves that will listen, or even to the humans. You cry it out to be recognized as the new force that will be held with respect. You cry it out so those who understand it know who you are, and that you are the equal of Lexa. That you are coming to make changes to this world, and that you are not to be trifled with.

Your paws eat up the miles as you bound through the trees, Lexa right by your side, the light from above sneaking between the canopies of leaves shining brightly against her russet pelt. Ahead of you, you can scent a deer in the underbrush, and you begin to hone in on it. Throwing yourself into the air, you spring upwards of ten feet with ease. Time appears to slow as you breathe in deeply and let loose a snarl, coming down hard upon the deer. Instinct tries to compel you to rip out its throat, but the human part of you holds firmly, and you reach down with your arms and snap its neck, ending its life quickly and cleanly. Now, however, you rip out its throat and feel the warm spray of blood cover your muzzle. In glee of the kill, you begin to eat, reveling in the taste of the meat. Noticing Lexa sitting a few feet away, letting you feast upon your first kill, you feel it is all a bit off. You make a soft whining sound to her, inviting her to join you in the meal. She slinks over smoothly, and begins to eat carefully; making a humming sound that is almost a purr, content to be feasting with you.

After a while, having eaten enough, you pad over to an empty clearing, Lexa close on your heels. She follows you curiously, and you walk to the middle where the moss is so thick it is like a mattress. You focus on the image of your bare skin and long fingers without claws and the snap change back to your human form takes place. Within three seconds you are standing, bare naked, in the clearing. Exhausted, you lay down upon the moss, sighing in content of the run and meal. Lexa circles you, still curious, and changes back within a matter of moments. Bending down, she curls up and around your body, her warm skin an erotic charge to your body. You look at her in amazement, and whisper, completely honest "Thank you for this. Thank you Lexa." And she blinks at this, stunned. It occurs to you that she may have not have even thought you would be grateful for this change, this gift. Little does she know, but now you feel complete.

You have the part of you that you never knew you wanted. You have the unbridled freedom to run without reserve, with a mate nonetheless.

This is all you could ever want. Everything else can wait. Right here and now is your existence, and for that, you are grateful.

**Authors Note: **

**I hope that this is okay. It's a bit long for a pilot of a story I'm just beginning, let alone have no clue on what the possible plot may be ~ this may just turn into a fluff fic. Either way, enjoy, and if you feel like it, leave feedback (:**

**Thank you ~ emson**


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